Now, for those of my friends who have no idea what the adoption process entails, let me just say it's a long process. There are different kinds of adoption ; private, public, international, etc. My husband and I opted for public adoption through our local Children's Aid Society rather than spend tens of thousands of dollars for private adoption. To be honest, we were always open to adoption even before we were trying to get pregnant. We had hoped to have a birth child and an adopted child. I remember being a little girl and wanting to adopt as well. So for us, it wasn't a huge decision we had to make because we were always open to adoption. That is not the case for everyone. I still grieved my struggles with infertility, but I was happy to start the adoption process.
Once we met with the agency, we were educated on the process. Every couple must complete a homestudy, PRIDE training, background checks, etc. Our agency put us on the waitlist for everything. After almost 2 years, we began our classes and the homestudy. The classes were basically to educate us on children's behavior as a result of their environment and how to parent them properly. Matt and I found the process almost therapeutic at times because, as some of our close friends know, both of our families have fallen apart and it's been rough. So when we went to class, there were so many times we had "aha" moments that we could relate to. Every week after our 3-hour class we would spend the 20 minute drive home talking about not only parenting but ourselves and how we became the people we are. It definitely put things into perspective on how parenting shapes the people your children grow up to be to more of an extent than I realized. I feel the pressure already. I have to be the best parent I can possibly be!
While we took classes, we were also having our homestudy done. A homestudy is when you meet with your adoption worker in your home several times and talk about EVERYTHING. They want to get to know us, what our family dynamic is like, your life experiences, make sure our house is safe for children, etc. Some people find this part of the process incredibly invasive, but we were fortunate to have a great worker that we felt comfortable with. We were honest about everything and yes, I do mean everything. Again, we found this process therapeutic because our worker helped put things into perspective for us and reassured us that we weren't the only ones with messed up families and that yes, we did have our heads on straight.
I was so worried about some things in my family possibly messing up my chances of adopting so I was upfront and honest from the very beginning. She told us that she felt Matt and I held a lot of insight, meaning we both sort of sit back and assess the situation/person before acting instinctively. Which is so true. We are thinkers. Our evaluation said that we have had a LOT to deal with as a couple over the years between both of our family's dysfunction, the relationships between them as a result, and that we were a "strong, supportive couple, who are committed to each other." Our highest marks on the homestudy were on our emotional support for one another and our communication between us. Which I must say that I am quite proud of! If there is one thing I'm sure of in this world, it's my Matt.
So after all that, our worker sends our homestudy in for approval by the agency. Our homestudy was approved a few weeks later and we are now adoption ready! So now comes the real waiting process. This could take weeks, months, or longer. They are trying to find the perfect match for our family. During the homestudy we had said we were looking for 2 siblings under the age of four and this was our first choice even if it meant we must wait a few months longer. I know what you must be thinking. 2 kids?!?! Well, for Matt and I, we felt that it was important to adopt siblings that way they would have someone that they were biologically related to and they would grow up together. Also, as it turns out, if we were to adopt again we would have to wait years to do that. So we decided it was best for us to just go for it and try for 2 siblings. I am fortunate enough to be able to work from home so that helps us look good for adopting siblings. Having an at-home parent is so important to us. I know most people aren't able to do this so I am extremely grateful that I will be able to that.
So now, here we are waiting. Waiting for that special phone call. The phone call that will change our lives forever. I can't wait to go paint the bedrooms, buy cribs and toys, and do all that stuff. It's hard to plan because we don't know what age, gender, or if we will have 1 or 2 children. How can I prepare?! Shamefully, I've already bought several children's books for my future children! Does this make me crazy? Books were the only thing that I could think of that was gender/age neutral and I picture myself reading to my kids at bedtime.
But really, I don't think there is any real way to be prepared for that moment that changes our lives forever. When we get that phone call, things are going to get crazy and our whole world will never be the same. Between Matt and I, we know how to handle a little chaos so I'm confident that not only can we do this but we are excited to grow our family! Not only that, but there has been tremendous love sent our way through the process. Friends and people who I hardly know always ask "Any news on the adoption?" It's truly touching that so many people we've met are so supportive of adoption because I know that this is not always the case.
This process has been long, tough, insightful, thought-provoking, exciting, and it's not even over yet, but to have the love and support from everyone means so much to both of us. So I just want to say a big thank you to those who have sent us love! We are excited to see where this journey will take us!
LOVE - The thought that we will have a family one day.
HONESTY - This process has been super long.
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